Monday, May 24, 2010

Life Sucks Sometimes

This picture is how I feel. The rain, the storm is where I am right now.
Today I was supposed to see my Dr. My diabetes is not good-and I take 2 different insulin's a day. I wanted to talk to him about the depression and changing my meds. But none of that happened. Why? Because I couldn't fit my fat butt into my jeans! Yep that's it. I was devastated. I knew I had been gaining weight-but I felt like I was starting to lose some of the weight. Nope, they were really tight. I crawled into bed and just stared at the wall. I finally went to sleep. Now I'm sitting here wondering what to do next. I feel lost. Over a pair of jeans that were to tight? No, it was just the straw that broke the camels back.

I have S.A.D.-social anxiety disorder. I have only been out of the house 3 times in the last 3 months. I have missed family birthday parties, holidays with family etc... My husband Mark has been without a job for a year now. As many, many other family's are as well. I am disabled physically and cannot work. I cannot even try for social security because I spent the last 9-10 years home schooling our daughter. So therefore I don't have enough "credits" to apply for SS. So I cannot even help my sweet husband out. It hurts me too see him try and try to get a job. I am so very thankful for the unemployment that he gets-it's just our bills always seem to be more than the checks. I have been disabled for a while now-but my weight had always been the same with-which was still being over weight. But the scale had never moved up ward for many, many years. I am wondering why now? What's going on with my body? Why such a drastic change? I truly wish I knew the whole answer. We have no medical insurance-everything is out of pocket. We have tried to go through channels for financial help-medically. So far we are either over qualified or under qualified-What! Makes no sense to us. We have one more appointment to try and get medical help-our appointment is June 8th. This is the last open door for help medically. Please if you read this entry-pray that the doors would be open for all our medical needs which are numerous. I am so afraid something will go wrong and we won't get help. I truly don't know what will happen to us if this doesn't work. There is so much more I want to journal about-but I just feel so over whelmed right now. I will try again later today.

Blessings and love to all her in blogger land.


LYN said...


madison said...

Hang in there, things will get betrer for you guys. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Barbara said...

You are right Donna, there are many folks in that same boat. Pete and I practically are. You do have my prayers!

Cathy said...

Being overwhelmed might be a signal from the all-perfect brain of ours. Could be you need to get very quiet inside and contemplate on the greater, simpler mysteries of why you're here. My positive thoughts are on the wind to your door.

Phil said...


I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and your family and I will be praying for you--

Medical bills can be so crushing, and social anxiety itself can also be terribly crippling and demoralizing.

I also have social anxiety and wanted to say I know how hard that can be-- you will certainly have my prayers!

In addition to that, I wanted to share one really good (and totally free) source of help for social anxiety-- it's a provider of gentle, and really great Free Telephone Conference Call Support Groups for Social Anxiety (so you don't even have to leave the house to attend a group), which can be great for anyone who is homebound by a disability.

It is provided by a Nonprofit (Social Anxiety Anonymous), so it really, truly is free.

ADB said...

It's good to see you posting, Donna. I hope your circumstances improve soon.

Lloyd said...

Jesus loves you. I really enjoyed reading the posts on your blog. I would like to invite you to come on over to my blog and check it out. God bless, Lloyd

Dianne ... Walking In His Grace said...

Donna, I hope and pray that things will get better for you and your husband, and all your needs will be met.

Thank you for visiting my blog, and leaving your nice comment.

You have a very nice blog here and I will come by when I can.

Take care.
Dianne :)