This picture is how I feel. The rain, the storm is where I am right now.
Today I was supposed to see my Dr. My diabetes is not good-and I take 2 different insulin's a day. I wanted to talk to him about the depression and changing my meds. But none of that happened. Why? Because I couldn't fit my fat butt into my jeans! Yep that's it. I was devastated. I knew I had been gaining weight-but I felt like I was starting to lose some of the weight. Nope, they were really tight. I crawled into bed and just stared at the wall. I finally went to sleep. Now I'm sitting here wondering what to do next. I feel lost. Over a pair of jeans that were to tight? No, it was just the straw that broke the camels back.
I have S.A.D.-social anxiety disorder. I have only been out of the house 3 times in the last 3 months. I have missed family birthday parties, holidays with family etc... My husband Mark has been without a job for a year now. As many, many other family's are as well. I am disabled physically and cannot work. I cannot even try for social security because I spent the last 9-10 years home schooling our daughter. So therefore I don't have enough "credits" to apply for SS. So I cannot even help my sweet husband out. It hurts me too see him try and try to get a job. I am so very thankful for the unemployment that he gets-it's just our bills always seem to be more than the checks. I have been disabled for a while now-but my weight had always been the same with-which was still being over weight. But the scale had never moved up ward for many, many years. I am wondering why now? What's going on with my body? Why such a drastic change? I truly wish I knew the whole answer. We have no medical insurance-everything is out of pocket. We have tried to go through channels for financial help-medically. So far we are either over qualified or under qualified-What! Makes no sense to us. We have one more appointment to try and get medical help-our appointment is June 8th. This is the last open door for help medically. Please if you read this entry-pray that the doors would be open for all our medical needs which are numerous. I am so afraid something will go wrong and we won't get help. I truly don't know what will happen to us if this doesn't work. There is so much more I want to journal about-but I just feel so over whelmed right now. I will try again later today.
Blessings and love to all her in blogger land.
