Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Need To Learn...

How to make a pretty journal page. I see so many beautiful journal pages and wonder how it is done. I am not at all talented when it comes to making my journal pretty. I'd really like some advice and tips on how to make my page pretty. So if anyone out in blogger land can help me, I would really appreciate it.

How was every one's Memorial Day? Ours was pretty nice. We had beautiful weather :-) always a plus. I actually got out of the house and went to a cook out with some close friends. It went better than I expected :-). We hung out with them all afternoon watching old movies. And I didn't have 1 panic or anxiety attack!

There's been nothing on TV lately. They have all showed the cliff hangers for next season, so we have been renting movies.

Movies we've picked out.

1. Doubt (Loved the allegories in it)
2. Bedtime Story (so-so)
3. Hotel For Dogs (cute)
4. The Last Templar (loved this movie)
5. Australia (Loved that movie)
6. Taken (Loved that one)

And a few others that had to much language for me to want to watch.

Brittany our daughter brought home the movie "New In Town." So will watch that tonight.

Mark and a friend of his changed out my computer today. I'm not liking it right now, because we could not transfer 10 years of stuff onto this computer. So I don't have any tags, pictures or my favorite sites right now. It's like starting over again. But my PC was dieing so it had to be done. So I am thankful that I have another computer-I just miss my stuff.

Well, that's as exciting as it's been lol. I look forward to hearing about everyone Else's Memorial Day :-).

Oh-If anyone wants to share some pretty tags w/me you can e-mail me @

HUGS To All~Donna

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Real Me

At this present time I am trying to come up with a title for this post. I hope writing it will give me the right inspiration.

Why a mime mask? Well, for many years now I have suffered from clinical depression, social anxiety disorder, panic & anxiety attacks. I have my ups and down-good days weeks and my bad days and weeks.

This pictured mask is a visual aid for me. I can't tell you how many mask I have but it is numerous.

For me I was afraid to let others know how I was really feeling. At church I wore my mask of happy to see you, glad to be here etc. Inside I was so deeply sad and scared. I was mostly scared that I wouldn't be able to pull it off. I was afraid they would be able to see through my mask, or that I would let it slip how I felt. I became very good after years of practice. Every where I went I had a different mask for different occasions. I did try and show a "few" family members and a close friend years ago what I looked & felt like-it didn't go well. My family was petrified that depression was contagious! Yes, they really believed this. It took them close to 6 months before they would come around. Even when they did, they looked like a slinky cat too afraid to get close or to ask how I was doing. So I learned to put the I'm ok mask on for them, smiling like all was ok. I was laughing on the outside for others and crying on the inside.

My husband is amazing. I have always been able to just be myself around him. He has been by my side every step of the way. Mark truly is my knight in shining armor. Yes, of course there are some chinks in the armor as he is only human. But it's amazing to have that kind of love and support through all of this.

Recently I went through a very bad patch. Mark's has not been a rose garden either. After 7 years with a company he was laid off almost 2 months ago. He loved his job. Since then it seems as if no one is hiring. We get the Sunday paper and look through the classified and I kid you not 98% are for out of state work. Our son Lil Mark has been out of a job for 4 months now. They have 2 babies to worry about! So Lil Mark has gotten very discouraged and depressed. I do try and encourage him but lately it's not enough.

Big Mark is 44 and starting over is scary. We are just 1 family among the millions in the same boat-feeling the same way. Right now we just take it one day at a time-and that's good enough.

I know this is not a happy entry but it's a part of my life and of me. I know there are probably others who feel the same way. I just wanted to post this and let others know that they are not alone.

HUGS to all~Donna