Life Sucks Sometimes

This picture is how I feel. The rain, the storm is where I am right now.

Today I was supposed to see my Dr. My diabetes is not good-and I take 2 different insulin's a day. I wanted to talk to him about the depression and changing my meds. But none of that happened. Why? Because I couldn't fit my fat butt into my jeans! Yep that's it. I was devastated. I knew I had been gaining weight-but I felt like I was starting to lose some of the weight. Nope, they were really tight. I crawled into bed and just stared at the wall. I finally went to sleep. Now I'm sitting here wondering what to do next. I feel lost. Over a pair of jeans that were to tight? No, it was just the straw that broke the camels back.

I have S.A.D.-social anxiety disorder. I have only been out of the house 3 times in the last 3 months. I have missed family birthday parties, holidays with family etc... My husband Mark has been without a job for a year now. As many, many other family's are as well. I am disabled physically and cannot work. I cannot even try for social security because I spent the last 9-10 years home schooling our daughter. So therefore I don't have enough "credits" to apply for SS. So I cannot even help my sweet husband out. It hurts me too see him try and try to get a job. I am so very thankful for the unemployment that he gets-it's just our bills always seem to be more than the checks. I have been disabled for a while now-but my weight had always been the same with-which was still being over weight. But the scale had never moved up ward for many, many years. I am wondering why now? What's going on with my body? Why such a drastic change? I truly wish I knew the whole answer. We have no medical insurance-everything is out of pocket. We have tried to go through channels for financial help-medically. So far we are either over qualified or under qualified-What! Makes no sense to us. We have one more appointment to try and get medical help-our appointment is June 8th. This is the last open door for help medically. Please if you read this entry-pray that the doors would be open for all our medical needs which are numerous. I am so afraid something will go wrong and we won't get help. I truly don't know what will happen to us if this doesn't work. There is so much more I want to journal about-but I just feel so over whelmed right now. I will try again later today.

Blessings and love to all her in blogger land.

I love this picture. It seems so peaceful and beautiful. I'd love to stand on the little bridge and just ponder on what ever comes to mind.

Well, I went and saw my Dr. last Thursday. We talked alot about my many concerns. He checked me for P.A.D. in my legs, and said everything was fine...yay! I was soooo worried. Especially with me having such severe neuropathy in my feet and legs. The neuropathy is in both my hands now-I can't feel things with my finger tips. With neuropathy there's not allot that can be done after it sets in. So I'll just keep doing what I can :). I'm not going to let it ruin my life.

Mark and I talked to Dr. D about getting on disability. Dr. D said there was no problem with that since we know I am unable to work. So now I'm in the process of applying for disability.

My Dr. did write a prescription for meds to help with the neuropathy in my lower parts. He also increased my depression meds and my anxiety meds. So far so good. I feel much calmer and clear headed. But @ times I'm scared it won't last. I like this calmness and not having that doomed or dreaded feeling with me at all times. So right now I am just going to enjoy it :).

I talked with him about my fears of having a heart attack. My dad passed away at age 49 from a massive heart attack. I am 45 and it's been lingering over me and making me fearful for the past 14 yrs. My dad's Mom & Dad died from heart attacks. My Mom's-Mom & Dad died from heart attacks. My Mom had a heart attack 11 yrs ago and survived it :) Thank the LORD. So Dr. D is setting me up an appointment for a chemical stress test. I'm just waiting on them to call me with an appointment.

I did have a full exam by a cardiologist about 8-10 yrs ago. Stress test and echo cardiogram. Everything looked great back then. I am praying I will pass this stress test with flying colors.

Mark and I went to SAMS club yesterday and did our monthly shopping. It was nice to be out and about :). I stuck to our list like a good girl lol....ok 2 cheats-I bought New York style cheese cake & chips for my dip. While there we got all the ingredients so that Mark could make his famous chili :).

Mark makes an amazing pot of home made chili, so we always get the Frito scoops to go along with it. We also add sour cream and Cheddar cheese as a topping to our bowls of chili yum :). Does anyone else eat it this way?

Last night I slow cooked bar B Q pork chops-they just fell off the bone :).

Tonight I am making our daughters favorite meal called Cheesy hash brown casserole. Here is the recipe if you would like to try it out.

Brown 3 lbs of hamburger meat
Drain when meat is fully cooked
Rinse off hamburger meat fat while in the colander.
Put back in the pot and add
2-Taco mixes to the meat
add the amount of water on the taco mix package
Cook on medium heat-till all the water is gone


Ingredients you'll need

2-bags of Ore-Ida Potato's O' Brian cubed hash browns
1-Large can of cream of mushroom soup
2-large bags of mild Cheddar cheese




Get a large bowl to put ingredients in.

Add cooked hamburger meat
both packages of hash browns
pour in the can of cream of mushroom soup
1- Cup of Cheddar cheese
Mix all ingredients well


Take an oblong pan and spray it with Pam
When all ingredients are folded well-spoon it into your pan


Cook on 350 for 30-40 minutes.
5 minutes before the casserole is done-bring it out of the oven and add a layer of Cheddar cheese and cook for the remaining time left.

I also usually cook my garlic cheese biscuits with this meal.

If you decide to try the recipe let me know how you and your family liked it.




Well, I'm off to shower and hit the Library with my sweetie. I swear you could lock me up and have me live in a Library lol. I am a major book worm, so I love going to the Library :).


I wish all of you a beautiful day!

HUGS~Donna